Welcome back to my blog about opiate addiction. As many of you already know from reading my previous blog entries, I am currently taking part in a Suboxone program due to my addiction to Oxycodone. I have been on Suboxone for just under a year now and know my time on this medication is coming to an end soon. This is something that both excites me and scares. Something I look forward to yet dread. Something I know I must do but would like to put off for "just a little longer." In the end, it is something I must come to terms with, face, and overcome if I ever want to live a life truly free of opiates. Therefore, I would like to use this particular post to talk about my taper on Suboxone, where I am at now with my recovery, and where I want to be in the end of it all.
Quick History
To give you guys a quick history of my situation in regards to Suboxone, I'll start with what got me there in the first place. I was addicted to the Oxycodone 30 mg pills for about 2 years and during the last few months I was abusing these pills before I got help, I was taking between 150-300 mg a day depending on what I could afford and get my hands on. I had tried to quit numerous times cold turkey but the farthest I could ever make it was 2 weeks. Most of the time when I tried going cold turkey, it would only last a matter of days before I would eventually cave in and use again. The lack of sleep, constant restlessness, brutal cold chills, and ongoing anxiety and depression really made it difficult for me to quit. This is when I came across Suboxone.
I had a few people and friends I knew who were or had been on Suboxone due to an addiction to Oxycodone so I figured this was my best shot. I figured, I could take a pill to avoid any withdrawal from the Oxycodone that wouldn't get me high, get my life back together, and then make the jump off of Suboxone. I also figured because I wouldn't (not couldn't) abuse the Suboxone, it would be easier to come off something that I didn't, well, like to get high off of.
I did a whole post on my experience with getting on Suboxone, if you guys would like to check it out by clicking Here.
Basically, I was started on 4 mg of Suboxone once a day. These were the 8/2 mg strips/films meaning that there was 8 mg of Buprenorphine and 2 mg of Naloxone in each strip/film. I would start out by taking half of a strip once a day. After about 5 months, my dose would be lowered to 2 mg once a day where I would take 1 mg in the morning and 1 mg at night. A little over 2 months later, my dose was again lowered to 1 mg once a day with .5 mg in the morning and .5 mg at night. This is the dose I am currently on as I write this post.
The 8 mg films/strips I was first prescribed. I took a half of a film/strip (4 mg) once a day when I first started Suboxone.
The films/strips I am currently taking now. I currently take half of film/strip each day (1 mg)
How Bad Was It?
The first few days on Suboxone weren't a walk in the park by any means but it was also not Hell on Earth either. I had little energy, was somewhat depressed, had random chills, and felt some minor aches/pains but these symptoms were all bearable. After about a week on the Suboxone, I felt close to 100 % and was able to get on with my life. I still had cravings to use but these went away for the most part after about a month on the Suboxone.
My Suboxone doctor told me I was lucky to be starting out at a relatively low dose and that some of her patients were being put on anywhere from 16-24 mg during induction. While my doctor isn't the greatest doctor in the world, I can honestly say she does look out for her patients if they are really looking to get clean and is not someone who is simply in it for the money. She told me how she tries to put her patients on the lowest dose possible when they first come in to help make the taper easier for both parties. However, she also mentioned how it is not uncommon for patients to come back after a few days saying they need more Subxone and that she will usually increase their dose if she can tell they really want to get clean and are being honest. She noted how if increasing their dose early on will help them get with the program and prevent them from using, it's a risk she is willing to take.
Anyways, back to my particular situation. After being on 4 mg of Suboxone for about 5 months, I made the jump to 2 mg once a day. I was a little nervous when this first happened. However, I can honestly say I felt absolutely no negative side effects or symptoms from my reduction in dosage. I was pretty shocked by this, especially for someone who was using so much Oxycodone to begin with. I think the key to this is to be honest with yourself when your figuring out how much Suboxone you really need. I think a lot of it is mental too. Try to give yourself enough time on your dose to see if you really need to take more and that it is not your mind playing tricks on you making you think that because you take less, you will withdraw. However, everyone is different and I realize every one's situation won't be the same as mine. In the end, only you will truly know your body and what works and doesn't works for you.
Another thing I want to bring is up is cravings during my time on 2 mg. I must say that although I did relapse, the cravings were not really present or intense during my time on this dose. I didn't relapse while I was on the 4 mg but I honestly don't think the reduction in my dose had anything to do with my relapse. When I did relapse, it was from me being a knucklehead and putting myself among a crowd of the wrong people with the wrong stuff. I could had simply said no and went my way but I didn't. I managed to get back on the sober train pretty quick and painlessly in the end, although if I could go back and do it all over again, I would have never used and put myself in that situation.
When I made the jump from 2 mg to 1 mg, this is where things got interesting. For the most part I am pretty comfortable during the day after I take my morning dose of .5 mg. I would say I'm probably at around 80-85 percent during the day and only get occasional chills or body aches sometimes. However, come nighttime, I can begin to feel myself needing that 2nd dose of .5 mg. I don't feel horrible, but I'll start getting the chills, a runny nose, a feeling of restlessness, and minor anxiety. Once I take my 2nd and final dose of the day of .5 mg I feel fine and am able to go to bed. Sometimes I might wake up early in the morning due to restless legs or the chills, probably indicting I am ready for my next dose. It can suck but all in all, just a minor inconvenience at most.
Thus far, I would defiantly say the biggest challenge of my taper has been the drop from 2 mg to 1 mg. While most of the side effects and symptoms are bearable, they can still be a bit of a pain and nuisance. However, they are no where near the full blown withdrawal I would feel if I were to begin withdrawing from Oxycodone cold turkey. As for cravings, I still do get them sometimes but can usually keep them at bay by keeping myself busy or distracted.
Since my drop to 1 mg once a day, I have been prescribed and have been taking a few medications to help with these symptoms. The first medication is Clonidine, which is used to help combat high blood pressure, the chills and cold sweats, restlessness, and lack of sleep some people get while withdrawing from opiates. I only take this medication at night (.2 mg) as it makes me drowsy. This medication certainly isn't an end all for withdrawal but it does help, especially with the sleep. The next medication I take is Advil which surprisingly helps quite a bit with achy joints and muscle cramps. I used to always laugh at the though of taking a medication like Advil when I was putting hundreds of milligrams of Oxycodone in my body but must say, the medication does help. The final medication I take is Requip, which is used to help with the restless legs. I take 1 mg at night but have found this medication to mediocre at best.
The Next Step
I have talked with my doctor and stressed to her that I want to be at the lowest dose possible before I make the jump off of Suboxone to help avoid or minimize any potential withdrawal. Thankfully, she has been for the most part understanding and I think the next step will be to lower my dose from 1 mg to .5 mg once a day with .25 mg in the morning and .25 mg at night. I can only imagine what this will feel like but am confident I am moving in the right direction. I plan on making the jump off of Suboxone around .25 mg (maybe less if possible). Hopefully everything will go smoothly and according to plan but I am aware and prepared if I need a little more time.
I'm not really sure what kind of medications my doctor will prescribe me when I make the jump off of Suboxone as each doctor is different with his or her methods and beliefs. I'm hoping to continue getting and taking the Clonidine, Requip, and Advil. I am also hoping I can get something such as Xanex and Ambien to help with the restlessness, anxiety, and sleep issues that so often come along with opiate withdrawal. I plan on taking these medications for no more than 2 weeks due the risk of developing an addiction to some them, especially any Benzo.
I have heard Suboxone withdrawal is milder than the withdrawals one would experience form Oxycodone, Heroin, and other opiates but that the withdrawal from Suboxone tends to last longer. Basically, I'm anticipating going through a long, difficult month before things start to get better and easier once I make jump off of Suboxone. I'm not going to lie, I am very nervous and even scared that the withdrawal might be to difficult or that the cravings and mental aspect of it might push to me to use again. This is where I must use the skills and coping mechanisms I have learned over the past several months to overcome these obstacles. I got myself into this situation so I must have the courage, strength, effort, and willpower to get myself out of it.
Some Good Information About Suboxone Taper & Withdrawal
There is a lot of information out there on the internet about tapering off of Suboxone in addition to Suboxone withdrawal. This information also includes stories from people who have actually experienced or took part in Suboxone withdrawal or a taper regime. I have posted a few links below that I think might be helpful to some of you guys.
There are literally thousands of websites, blogs, and posts regarding Suboxone out there on the internet in addition to the ones I just posted. If you simply type in "Suboxone", "Suboxone Taper", or "Suboxone Withdrawal", you'll find yourself with tons of information at your disposal. Remember, knowledge is power!
Was Suboxone the Right Choice?
Since the very first day I got on Suboxone and even before I made the decision to get on the drug, I have asked myself is getting on Suboxone the right choice? I don't have an answer right now for you guys but I do have some input in regards to my particular situation.
My addiction to Oxycodone was really having an impact on my life and hurting not only myself but those closest to me. I was lying, spending thousands of dollars, and beginning to change as a person. While I still managed to successfully work and go to school, my heart and mind was never truly in it and involved. I was simply going through the motions, high on Oxycodone, and thinking about when and how I would score my next batch of pills. It wasn't living. It was just surviving life by dulling out any pain or emotion with the pills. Most importantly, it wasn't the real me.
As I mentioned, I had tried quitting Oxycodone cold turkey several times but each time ended up falling back to my old ways and habits. It was a never ending, painful cycle. My habit had grown to a ridiculous amount and the amount of money and things I was doing to get that money was something I still cringe at today. I needed to change.
So for me, getting on Suboxone helped me do that. I have managed to remain clean for the most part while being able to attend school, work, and spend time with family and friends. Things I would have never been able to do while withdrawing from Oxycodone. I think if someone can go cold turkey without having to quit school or their job, then that is great. But for me, it was something I couldn't do while going to school and working so I needed another option.
Since being on Suboxone, I have continued to work, go school, build sober support, learn coping mechanisms, meet the right people and get away from the wrong ones, and learn to live a life of not having to constantly worry about how and when to get these devilish pills. I have found that Suboxone is particularly helpful in allowing one time to figure out how to turn their life around and get rid of the old, bad habits of past. These steps are extremely important in learning to live as a sober individual.
At the same time, I know I am still on an opiate and will most likely face some kind of withdrawal in the end. I ask myself, will the withdrawal from Suboxone be easier or harder to face, longer or shorter, bearable or unbearable? These are all serious questions that I have still have no answer to. I have spent countless hours talking to people along with reading and researching on the Internet about people who have experienced or overcame Suboxone withdrawal only to get about a thousand different responses with some ranging form total Hell on Earth to a walk in the park. In the end, I must realize that everyone and their situation is different so I can't base everything on what someone says just like you guys can't base everything on this post you are reading right now. EVERYONE is different.
To sum things up, I can honestly say I am, as of right now, happy I made the decision to get on Suboxone. I know some people bash Suboxone and look at it as trading one drug for another, but if it wasn't for Suboxone, I would probably be out getting high, hurting the people I love and care for most, and destroying my life, morals, and reputation. I don't think there is really any way to totally avoid withdrawals when getting off opiates but I hope through my taper I am able to at least minimize them. I know withdrawals are just a fact of life and part of this game we put ourselves into, so I must be a man and face them at some point. Like my consoler always say, "this will probably be the hardest thing to accomplish in your life but is something you will feel so proud, happy, and good about if you overcome it."
Conclusion
I want to thank you guys once again for taking the time to read my blog and I really hope I can help some of you who find yourselves in a similar situation. Hopefully we can all find the strength and willpower to beat this thing we call addiction. It's not easy but it is possible, something we must all remember.
I would love to hear from you guys in the comment section about what you think of my situation. Any tips, suggestions, or past experiences would be greatly appreciated. Also, feel free to ask any questions or comment about anything that's on your mind. I will respond to each and every comment as soon as I can.
Thanks again Guys and take care. And remember, keep seeing that light.
Until next time,
Seeingthelight
Have you thought about doing a day on and a day off at the lowest dose? N progressing to a day on 2 days off ect whn you're ready to make tht jump off Subs??
ReplyDeleteJust an idea to maybe talk to your Dr. About.
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