Things I Miss & Don't Miss About Using Opiates

Hi Guys and welcome to what is now my 22nd post for my blog about opiate addiction. As always, thanks for reading and a special thanks to those who take the time to comment. Now lets get down to business. I would like this post to discuss some of the things I miss and don't miss about using opiates. Most of the readers out there viewing this post will probably relate to this list and might even share in common a few of the items on the list as well.

I think a lot of addicts at one point in their lives make a list inside their heads about some of the pros and cons of being an addict. Obviously, the cons outweigh the pros nearly every time but that won't usually stop addicts from remembering or reminiscing about the days when they got high. I know I do sometimes. There are some aspects of using that I miss terribly but there are also many things I am glad are in the rearview mirror for now and hopefully forever.

Thus, I would like to provide you guys with a list of some of the things I miss most about once having and maintaining an addiction to opiates in addition to some of the things that I am so glad are now no longer part of my life. This post will be pretty short (shocking!) in comparison to some of my other posts as I would like to leave a lot of room for the readers to comment and share some of their likes/dislikes during their time of using opiates as well as any experiences during their addiction to opiates. These experiences can be funny, sad, shocking, or perhaps a combination of all three. As always, feel free to disclose as much or as little as you would like about your experience with opiate addiction.



The Things I Miss:

• The simple feeling of getting high

• The ability to numb any emotion, pain, worries, sorrows, stress, and such with the simple addition of a drug such as an opiate.

• Getting high and hanging out with friends or at social gatherings

• Some of the goofy and funny experiences that you say, do, or think when you are high

• Some of the trips or adventures that come with scoring or looking for drugs

• The rituals or habits that each and every addict has with getting high

• Knowing that I can probably never again use "here and there" without going back to old habits

• Not having anyone to answer to because no one yet knows your dirty, little secret

• Having to leave behind or limit my time with some people, some of which my own good friends, who use like to use

• Having no one aware of my addiction and not being known as someone with a "bit of a past"

The Things I Don't Miss:

• Spending all my money on drugs and constantly being broke all of the time

• Having to lye, cheat, or steal to get high and afford having an addiction to opiates

• Letting down those closest to me such as friends and family

• Being dishonest with my friends and family about where I was going, what I was doing, and who I was associating with

• Having to act like a totally different person to hide my addiction from friends and family, commonly referred to as living a double life

• Putting my mind, body, and health at risk

• Taking risks that could potentially lead to getting arrested or going to jail/prison

• Participating in shady or sketchy situations with just as shady and sketchy people

• That feeling in the back of my mind that I know what I am doing is wrong and that I am a better person than the one I am becoming

• Having to constantly worrying about being able to afford my next score or whether my dealer will be carrying or around

• Seeing people I grew up with suffer from an addiction, some possibly losing their freedom or even lives.

• Having to wait around for sometimes hours for my dealer to meet up with me even when he said "just 15 minutes" three hours ago. Sometimes I would waste an entire day just waiting around and looking for drugs or my dealer.

• Having to scrap together change or pawn things to be able to afford my next score

• The constant fear of withdrawal

• Waking up every morning feeling like absolute crap and having the urge to immediately score and get high only to feel and act the same way the next day

• Having to work or go to school without being able to use and feeling like total crap

• Feeling like I am unable to accomplish anything without being high or at the very least not withdrawing

• Using just to feel normal or comfortable rather than actually getting high

Conclusion

Well Guys, that's all I could come up with for right now. I'm sure there are quite a few things I either forgot about, overlooked, or simply took for granted. If you have been following my blog, you know that I am currently taking part in a outpatient Suboxone program. I am now taking .5-.75 mg of Suboxone once a day and feel pretty good about myself and my situation. I haven't been perfect but can say that I am doing a hell of a lot better than I was just a year ago. Over the past year, I would say I have been sober around 345 of the roughly 365 days that I have been in the Suboxone program. Again, not perfect but much better than being high 365 out of 365 days a year I suppose.

I will be making the jump off of Suboxone fairly soon and will have to face a life of no opiates, even ones like Suboxone. I know this is going to be a tough challenge and will require a lot of willpower and strength but I am confident that I have put myself into a better situation. I send my support and best wishes to those who are in a similar situation or who are using and are really thinking about taking the big step of getting clean off opiates. It's not easy and takes a lot of work but is so worth it in the long run. I always ask myself, how many opiate or heroin addicts do I know with 20 or 30 years in the game or who are over 60? Not many. Most, unfortunately, end up either dead or in jail/prison if they are not able to change their lifestyle. You won't find a happy, successful, and well addict who has been in the game long enough.

As you can see from this post, there are certainly some things I really miss about getting high and using opiates. When I decided to get on Suboxone and stop abusing Oxycodone, it almost felt as if there was a void in my life, a feeling of as if I had just lost a good friend. I have heard from other addicts who feel the same way and most attribute this feeling due to the changing of lifestyle by removing something that was such a major part of your life. I miss the feeling of getting high, goofing off with my buddies who liked to use, and the general feeling of warmth that opiates brought. In the past, whenever I was stressed out, depressed, or angry I would turn to Oxycodone as a means of coping with these emotions and feelings. The Oxycodone would numb the pains and struggles of every day life that everyone experiences, addict or non-addict. Our drug of choice was a way out and something that was usually always there for us, providing us with a sense of security and wellness. However, these feelings were false feelings of happiness and enjoyment.

Today, there are still times when my mind tries to talk me into using again or even stopping Suboxone. A voice that appears all too often tempts me with things such as "you've done such a good job lately, why not take a break and have a little fun?" or "Man, remember how fun getting high used to be? Don't you miss it?" I have to remind myself of all the times that I suffered when I couldn't afford or find my next score in addition to some of the things that I had to do to get or afford my next high. I have to remind myself of the withdrawals, the mornings where I would wake up hurting, and the numerous times alone in which I would ask myself, sometimes in near tears, "what got me here and why do I continue to do this to myself?" Most of the time this is enough to deter me from using but like many other addicts fighting the same battle, I sometimes lose and crack.

My point is, we must remember both the good and bad aspects of our addictions and hopefully this will allow us to see that our time using drugs usually led to more bad things than good. We must learn from our experiences and really get a grasp on our minds and bodies. Learning why we get the urges to use and what causes these urges are extremely important and is something I am still doing today. I believe things really do get better over time but as addicts, we will always have to stay on point and look over our shoulders for the demons that we once thought of as our "friends." If we can successfully do this, we can learn ways to cope with the urges and cravings that can so often be dangerous and tempting.

I would love to hear from you guys about some of the things you miss and don't miss most about your addiction to opiates. Please feel free to leave a comment in the comment section telling us about these things as well as any questions or experiences you would like to ask or share. I think that by talking about things such as this with one another, we can learn from and relate to one another. We are all in the same boat fighting the same thing, so why not put our minds together to talk, get things off our chest, and hell, even have a good laugh over some of the silly and desperate things we once did.

When you attempt to put opiates in your past and out of your life, try to think of it as if you are holding a funeral for someone you once knew. Share and remember the good, the bad, and the ugly experiences that you once had with your old "friend" and decide that it is now time to move on to greater things. Think to yourself that while it was fun while it lasted, it eventually had to stop. We're now burying an old friend (our addictions) and looking to move on with our lives.

Remember Guys, there is always a brighter day after a dark night so never let anyone or anything put or keep you down. An addiction to opiates is one hell of a battle but never less, it is a battle that can be won. Keep seeing the light, stay strong, and remember that you can do this if you put your mind and heart into it.

Best Wishes,

Seeingthelight