Why We Got Addicted To Opiates

Greetings everyone and welcome back! This is now my fourth post in my new blog for dealing with opiate addiction. For people who have read my previous posts and are keeping up to date with my blog, I apologize for being repetitive but if we have any new comers here who would like to view my previous posts feel free to check out the following links by clicking on Welcome or My Experience with Suboxone. In addition to my first post which welcomed everyone while providing you guys with some information about myself and the blog (what we stand for, purpose of blog, and rules of the blog), I have also written two other posts. One of those posts talks about Suboxone and my experience with it while the other post talks about Opiate Withdrawals as well my experience with those as well. I've noticed I have gotten some views of my blog after checking my database and am so happy to have gotten some readers. Now we just need some comments to generate some conversations!

Anyways, I really hope this blog can help people in dealing with their opiate addiction(s). As I've mentioned in my previous posts, I suffer from an addiction to the Oxycodone 30 mg pills. I am now on an outpatient Suboxone program that has really helped me in getting my shit and life back together. I also want to reiterate that this blog focuses mostly on opiate addiction (any kind of opiate) but that anyone can read, join, or comment. It doesn't matter to me if you are currently using opiates, just stopped using, haven't used in 20 years, or have never used before in your life. I welcome everyone no matter what path or road you have taken in the past. I simply just ask you follow the rules of the blog. Alright now that we got all that small talk out of the way, I would like to shift our focus to the topic of this particular post, the reason(s) why we got addicted to opiates in the first place.

I have been addicted to opiates (the Oxycodone 30 mg pills) for about 3 years now. While I don't have a long history of opiate abuse, I know how bad it can get from both my own experiences and the experiences of people I know. It really can be an ugly situation to get yourself into and a difficult situation to get yourself out of. So far my posts have discussed ways to deal with getting off of opiates, so I figured we'll make this one be about why we got into opiates in the first place. Basically, the way I'm going to do this post is to divide it into three sections;  (1) The science behind why we develop an addiction to opiates, (2) My own personal story, and (3) What you guys have to say such as your own personal reasons/experiences or any comments/information you may have to add.

The Science Behind Opiate Addiction

The Brain

When I think of opiate addiction, I like to break it down into 2 different parts based upon how they affect us. The first part is the body while the second part is the mind. The withdrawals you experience when you don't use and to an extent the high you get when you do use deal more so with the body. However, the reason these things happen is a direct result of the mind. Confused already? Basically, your brain has an opioid receptor system which is similar to the way other receptor systems in your brain work. For example, when you eat something you like to eat, see someone you like to see, or do something you like to do our brain lets off chemicals which accomplish a variety of tasks in our bodies. When we do things we like to do, our brain and certain receptors in our brain respond positively. Unfortunately, our receptors react the same way when we put drugs into our bodies.

The high we get from drugs directly influences our brain and its receptors. After continuously using drugs (in our case, opiates) for a period of time, our brain begins craving these drugs to satisfy itself. Drugs really are powerful. In fact, some people who use opiates for a long period of time often have a difficult time enjoying things they enjoyed doing before they got addicted to drugs. For example, if someone who loved fishing and did it say every weekend developed an addiction to opiates for a long period of time were to suddenly stop using or seek treatment, they would experience far more then the physical withdrawals we have come to know and love. It would not be unusual for the fishermen to have a difficult time getting back into the groove of fishing and enjoying it. It sucks but this is how opiates, or most drugs for that matter, can alter our brain chemistry.

However, this is not to say that this lack of enjoyment happens to everyone and is always permanent. In fact, most people are able to gain back their enjoyment of things they used to love to do after a period of time. It can be weeks, months, or even years depending on the person and their situation. This is also another reason why it is not uncommon for many former addicts to experience depression, anxiety, and similar matters. Like I always say, this is why it's important to talk honestly and often with your family, doctor, and support network to make sure everything is going well, is safe, and is working properly. Addiction is no joke and must be taken seriously.

The Effects Opiates Can Have On Our Brains

While everyone knows of and truly hates the physical withdrawals we all experience when stopping cold turkey from opiates, few talk about how the mind feels when battling an opiate addiction. The mind is just as sensitive as the body is in this matter and this is why it is so important to develop a strong support network, learn coping mechanisms, attend AA or NA meetings, talk openly with family, friends, and your support network, and to not be afraid to seek help from doctors, consulars, therapists, or psychologist. This is often why people say getting clean is easy but staying clean is the hard part. This is especially true if you are stopping opiates cold turkey. I say this because when you battle your addiction to opiates with Suboxone (like myself) or with Methadone, you are still using an opiate. This is why your mind isn't as "off" as it can be when you stop cold turkey. Please note that I am in not any way saying that Suboxone or Methadone isn't the way to go or that those using these methods do not experience sensitivity to their minds as well. Believe me, as someone who is on Suboxone currently, I know how hard it is to battle opiate addiction no matter what method or route you chose to go on.

I found the following quote online from Wikipedia and think that it says what I am trying to say in better words. Courtesy of good, old Wikipedia:

"Studies show that most opioid dependent patients suffer from at least one severe psychiatric comorbidity. Since opioids used in pain therapy rarely cause any of these conditions, they are assumed to have existed prior to the development of dependence. Opioids are known to have strong antidepressive, anxiolytic and antipsychotic effects and thus opioid dependence often develops as a result of self medication.

Furthermore some studies suggest a permanent dysregulation of the endogenous opioid receptor system after chronic exposure to opiates. A recent study has shown that an increase in BDNF, brain-derived neurotrophic factor, in the ventral tegmental area (VTA) in rats can cause opiate-naive rats to begin displaying opiate-dependent behavior, including withdrawal and drug-seeking behavior. It has been shown that when an opiate-naive person begins using opiates at levels inducing euphoria, this same increase in BDNF occurs.  Another recent study concluded to have shown "a direct link between morphine abstinence and depressive-like symptoms" and postulates "that serotonin dysfunction represents a main mechanism contributing to mood disorders in opiate abstinence.""

There is a lot of information in regards to how opiate addiction effects both the mind and body, and I simply do not have either the time or space to write all of it as well as the fact that I do not know everything there is to know that is out there (remember when I said I wasn't a doctor?). Therefore, I am going to post below some websites that I feel might be helpful to read if you guys are interested in learning more about this topic. It's really interesting how the mind works and truly how powerful opiates are as well as their ability to alter your state of mind. Anyways, here are the links below.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opioid_receptor

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Substance_dependence

http://www.allaboutaddiction.com/addiction/addiction-brain-effects-opiate-addiction-heroin-oxycontin

http://www.opiates.org/opiates.htm

http://www.health.harvard.edu/fhg/updates/update0405a.shtml

http://neuro.psychiatryonline.org/article.aspx?articleid=103089

http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/heroin

My Own Personal Story

Alright, now that we got the science part out of the way, lets take at look at my reasons into why and how I developed an addiction to an opiate. As I've mentioned numerous times here already, I have had an addiction to the Oxycodone 30 mg pills (A215s, M30s, 224s, Blue Vs) that lasted about 2 years. I had been abusing the Oxycodone over a period of 3 years but was truly addicted to it for the past 2 years. I'm sorry to sound graphic but I want to get my story across and be honest. I was abusing the pills and buying them off the street. I did not have a prescription, I was simply taking them to get high. I was also snorting the pills rather then swallowing them but I have never injected the pills, or anything for that matter in my life. I would also like to say that I do not look down upon or judge anyone who snort or injected. That's not the type of person I am and the way I look at it is that we're all in the same boat for an addiction to opiates, no matter what way we put them in our bodies. That's basically the "simple facts and stuff" about myself (if you want to know a little more, see my first two posts).

I am not making excuses for my addiction but would like to state why I believe I became addicted to them. I have always been someone who got bored easily and enjoyed doing things on my own. I was not a loner and I got along with people very well. I had a group of about 7 or 8 real good friends whose company I thoroughly enjoyed. For whatever reason, I was just someone who would rather hang in and watch a movie rather then go spend a wild night out at a club or try something crazy. I have a great family as well who I get along real good with and love dearly. I was never abused nor went through any traumatic event in my life. I had a very good upbringing and my parents were always there for me.

I had my first sip of alcohol when I was 18 years old and smoked weed for the first time when I was about 19. I tried a few other drugs but never really liked them. Then I tried Oxycodone and enjoyed it. However, it wasn't something I became obsessed over and needed to do. At least at first. I went from trying it a few times a year to a few times a month to a few times a week. Then next I knew, I was addicted and using basically every day. Then everyday became using multiple times a day. Then multiple times a day became well, I don't know how to put it but basically every waking minute of my life had to do with Oxycodone. Before my addiction, I never stole, lied, cheated, or acted like the way I did once I became hooked on these small pills. This addiction really made me change (and a lot of my other peers who unfortunately got addicted as well). I hated the person I was becoming. One thing I kept asking myself was why the hell did I even try these stupid pills? Or at least, how did the hell did I let it get this out of hand?

After much thought and finally getting the help I needed, I got clean. I have been on an outpatient Suboxone program for over 4 months now and I have not used Oxycodone once in those 4 months. The Suboxone has really helped me out. I have also been seeing a doctor and consular as well, which has also helped me a lot. I mention (and repeat if you've read my previous posts) this information so you guys can get as good of a picture of myself and my addiction as possible.

Now let me talk about the main purpose of this section of my post, why did I become addicted in the first place. Well, I don't know for sure and I may never truly know but there are some things that I believe did have some impact on it. The first factor I think may have helped lead to my addiction to Oxycodone is that I have an addictive personality. I never knew what an addictive personality was or that it was even really something you could have until I became addicted to the Oxycodone. Basically, when I come across something I really enjoy, I can't get enough of it. I tried the Oxycodone and got addicted. I tried weed and became a pothead. I tried tobacco and now use that on a daily basis. Hell, I tried coffee and drink that on an almost daily basis. I have an addictive personality and have to learn how to deal with it. It sucks, but hey there are a lot worse things out there you can have so I have no right to complain about something this small. Like I mentioned before, I'm also someone who likes to hang out alone and just chill out. I think this is why the Oxycodone was so appealing to me as I would love to just snort a few pills, sit back, and play a video game, watch a movie, or surf the web. Man, I miss those days but at the same time, I'm happy that I'm in a different place now and am clean for the time being.

Another thing that I think may have had somewhat of an impact on my addiction is my family history and genetics. It is still in much debate in the scientific and addiction community but some believe (myself included) that genetics and family history can play a role in someone developing an addiction. While I had a great family who I love so much, I grew up around people who well, liked to drink alcohol. Now, my family members weren't drunk all day, every day or weren't people who were in and out of jail, rehab, or trouble. My family members never did drugs either. In fact, they absolutely hate the thought of tobacco or weed, let alone Oxycodone abuse. They were people who would drink say 2-4 times a week. I truly couldn't stand seeing my parents get drunk and it especially bothered me when they would get drunk at family parties or in public settings. Like I said before, they were never abusive or anything, it was just embarrassing having parents, aunts, or uncles making a fool out of themselves in public. But hey, no ones' family is ever perfect I guess right? My thinking is that perhaps this might have something to do with my addiction but again, who knows.

Another reason I believe may have lead to me becoming addicted to an opiate is the fact that I have a disease. For privacy reasons and to help keep my identity unknown, I would rather not go into much detail about the disease I have. The disease I have sucks to have, but I will say it is not as deadly or serious as say Cancer. It is a disease which totally alters your life and can take a lot out of someone. It's tough to live with, but is something I will have for the rest of my life unless they develop a cure or it magically disappears (if only things were that easy). While I was able to live a pretty normal childhood, the disease did limit me from some things growing up and did make me somewhat subconscious about myself. The particular disease I have also causes me to be somewhat uncomfortable and in mild pain at times (I have good days and bad days). I think this disease I have (and no, the disease I'm talking about here isn't addiction if that's what you were guessing) has affected the way I think and live, and I think I saw the high from the Oxycodone as a temporary way out from reality and as a tool to mask my pain. Sorry, I don't mean to be getting really deep with this stuff. Anyways, I'm learning how to better live with my disease (after all, I've had it nearly my whole life) and to not look to getting high as a way to cope. It's tough, I'm not going to lye, but I'm trying my best to just deal with it without altering my state of mind.

My final reason for getting addicted to Oxycodone (and is a reason for most of us, whether we like to admit it or not) is that I just liked to get high. Plain and simple folks, I fucking loved the high. The high I got from Oxycodone was something I really loved. I would imagine how great it would be if I could somehow have a supply of Oxycodone that never ran out or if I somehow had all the money in the world to buy as much Oxycodone as I wanted. I don't mean to sound dark here or joke with those who have had this really happened to them, but I would always joke with my friends whenever they asked me what I would do if I was rich and famous. I would always respond that I would probably end up dead as I would be doing so much Oxycodone with all the money and resources I would have if I was rich and famous. Dark, I know.

Well, you guys now know a little more about me and my story into my addiction with Oxycodone. My story is a pretty ugly one but believe me (and I'm sure some of you know) there's a lot of uglier stories out there. Despite all the shit I've been through, I still have a good family and group of friends, my health (to an extent), and a future. I have had friends and people I know end up being kicked out of their homes, forced into rehab, locked up in jails, or even dead as a result of their addictions. Addiction is something that can be truly devastating to not only the person who is addicted, but to those around them who often love and care greatly for them.

What You Guys Have To Say

Alright guys, I'm done talking and am now leaving the rest of this post up to you guys. I haven't had any comments yet in my blogs so I encourage you guys to please, please, please comment so we can get some conversations going. Even if its just one person, I'll comment back and will try to the best of my ability and knowledge to help each and every one of you guys who visit here. Like I always say, I really hope this blog can help some people and I was so happy today to see that a few people had viewed my blog recently. So feel free to comment below about your own stories, experiences, or tips you have. I hope anyone reading is doing well and thank you guys for taking the time to read or comment on my blog. I'll have another post coming soon for you guys and feel free to read any of my previous posts. I've listed the links above in the first paragraph. And remember, keep seeing the light!

Take care guys,

Seeingthelight