Welcome

Hello to everyone who has taken the time to read this blog post. Whether you are here due to a current addiction to opiates, have just overcome one, know someone with one, are curious about the topic, or simply just happened to wandered upon this blog, I welcome you. This is my first time ever writing a blog, so please bear with me as I am really new to all this. This post will most likely be one of the longer ones as I am going to introduce myself and get things started.

Basically, I have decided to create a blog dealing with the topic of opiate addiction. I hope this blog can help educate others, provide experiences, and provide people with a place to talk about this sensitive topic. I am also using this blog for myself as a way to vent with my own problems (more on that later). This blog will deal mostly with opiate addiction but if your someone who suffers from another kind of addiction (be it cocaine, alcohol, overeating, video games, ect...) and find this blog helpful, you are more than welcome to read, join, and pitch in. The more, the better. Although, I would like this blog to revolve around opiates for the most part, hearing others stories and how they deal with their addictions is always helpful for everyone involved. I am hoping to blog on here at least once a week and will go over a variety of things in regards to opiate addiction. Some topics I would like to eventually discuss are:

• What got us to this addiction and why?
• Experiences with Opiate withdrawals
• Methods/Experiences to deal with Opiate Addiction (Cold turkey, Rehab, Methadone, Suboxone)
• Triggers and ways to deal with them
• Things to help us, district us, keep busy with, ease withdrawals with, and what not
• Personal stories (feel free to tell as much as you want, I"ll do the same or just listen if you wish)
• Clean times/sobriety celebrations/checkpoints

These are just a few of the many topics I would like to discuss on this blog and I am certainly open to discuss more and am sure I missed a couple solid topics on the previous list. I would also like to just go over a few rules for my blog as well. (Sorry, I know this is rather dry/boring but I got to get this out the way on the first post so bear with me. I know most people have no problems following rules but there are always a few bad apples in each bucket.)

• Respect yourself, myself, and everyone else on this site
• I don't care about swearing or bad words as long as there not insulting others.

EX: Man, these shitty withdrawals are fucking awful. I can't stop shitting and am freezing like a  motherfucker. <----This is fine in my book, I feel it lets us keep it real and talk like buddies rather than having to feel like your talking to a doctor, a computer, or professional. I want this site to be easygoing and laid back.

• No advertising on this blog. It's fine to mention a product or something, just don't want pop ups and full page advertisements/testimonies on here.
• Everyone is free to comment or simply just sit back and read. You don't have to be an addict, former addict, or someone who is currently using. If you are using, it is still fine to post. Again, I just want this site to be laid back and as helpful as it can possibility be for people of all background/situations
• Keep personal info like addresses, phone numbers, full names to yourself. If you really want to exchange e-mails or phone numbers, do at your own risk and please be careful and do so discreetly so not everyone can access this information.
• Slang is fine in my book but please write so it is easily readable for others. For example, please don't post something like this: "Yo da lil pills b da worst 2 overcme for $ome dudez"
• I am not a doctor or professional in this area. I am a addict. I ask that everyone understand this from both your side, my side, and other sides. Please do not tell others dosages, medications to take, things to do that could potentially be harmful. It is okay to say something along of lines of "I have been taking 8mg of Suboxone once a day and it is really helping me" but don't say "You should try taking 8mg of Suboxone twice a day and use 10mg of Ambien at night to sleep". Recommendations/ experiences are fine but doctor orders are not (especially if you're not a doctor!)
• Finally, just use basic common sense and enjoy the site. I truly hope it is helpful and beneficial for those who visit. If this site can help just one person, I am happy. 

Okay, now that we got the boring stuff out of the way, I would like to tell you a little bit about myself to get things started. I am a 25 year old male who lives in the United States, in an area that like many other parts of this country right now, is facing a painkiller epidemic. My drug of choice was the oh so popular Oxycodone 30 mg pills (A215s, Blue Vs, M30s, Big White 224s). I also enjoyed smoking weed a few times a week and doing tobacco snuff on a daily basis. I have also experimented with cocaine, mushrooms, Xanex, and alcohol in the past as well but can count on one hand how many times I have done these drugs besides alcohol (I am not a big drinker either, usually no more than two nights of drinking a month, if that). I have graduated both high school and college and am now working full time. I have always been a decent student who got Bs and never got in trouble. I had a great group of friends and a wonderful family who raised me very well. I have never experienced any life changing or dramatic event nor was ever abused. I basically had a normal, nice life with no problems. In high school, I loved to play sports (soccer, track, and football) and am avid reader.

After High School, I began drinking and smoking weed on weekends in my freshmen and sophomore years of college. As mentioned, I had tried cocaine (3 times), mushrooms (once) and Xanex (Twice) by the time I graduated college. I had also tried oxycodone 30 mg pills numerous times throughout college, usually on weekends or random, boring nights during school vacation. I enjoyed the high a lot and it never once crossed my mind that these things could lead me into a addiction with them. The high was awesome (became talkative, felt warm/at ease, was happy, and didn't mind doing work or having to face difficult problems/days). My school and work were not really affected at all during this period of my life.

During my last years of college, most of my friends had either moved, gotten jobs, became married or involved in relationships, or were away at school. The weekends were now quite boring and I was often either hanging out by myself or with a buddy or two on most Friday or Saturday nights. This is where things begun to get ugly. With nothing to do and being a "knucklehead college kid", my friends and I started using oxycodone 30 mg nearly every weekend. Then, I began finding myself wanting to use on random weekday nights or on a Friday afternoon before class or work. Soon, it became a couple times a week thing and then next thing I knew, I was using on an almost daily basis. When I didn't use, I didn't feel sick but all I could think about was when I would next use. I can remember waiting 3,4,5 days and each day the anxiety and anticipation to use got greater. Finally, one day I simply gave in and said to myself, whats wrong with using one little pill every night to relax and go to bed after a long day of work, school, or just life. For some reason, this day always stayed in my head and is a day I think I will always remember. That day, I basically said "Fuck it, I'm young and have my shit together. While other kids are jobless or didn't even graduate high school, I was a college grad with a bright future. I had my shit together, this wasn't going to stop me." Man was I wrong!

At this point, I had a relatively small tolerance and addiction. One 30 mg pill of oxycodone would get me high no problem and I saw others who would spend their entire day looking for pill after pill. Basically, I felt I was different. That if I wanted to stop, I could. Once again, Man was I wrong! Move forward a couple months and I was now using 2 or 3 pills a day to get high until one day, my family and i went on a short, 3 day vacation to Maryland. This is when it really hit me. During this short vacation, I felt like absolute crap. I had the restless legs, sweats, stomach aches, diarrhea, and chills the entire time away. After coming back home after 4 days of doing nothing, I lasted less than an hour before going to my dealer to get more pills. After doing them, I felt high and normal once again. Now, I truly knew I had a problem.

However, this wouldn't stop me. I would go on to use for the next two years besides a 14 day period when I once again went on vacation, this time to France, and once again felt like absolute crap. Like last time, I went straight to my dealer the second I came back home and started the dreadful cycle once again. At the height of my addiction, I was using between 6-10 pills of the 30mg oxycodone pills a day for a total of 180-300 mg a day. Crazy, I know. I had spent thousands of dollars chasing the high and dealing with this awful disease. It made me lye, cheat, steal, and change as a person. Every time I did these things I felt awful, I really hated it and the person I was becoming. I had hurt myself and some of those closet to me whom mean so much to me. Every dollar, minute, and thought of mine each day was put towards these tiny yet powerful pills. The kids whom I grew up with and didn't want to be that would steal, lye, cheat, and act bad were now the person I was turning into. I truly hated where I was and the situation I had put myself in. I was also becoming more and more isolated and was staying in on weekend nights while most of my peers were out having fun, being young, and living life to the fullest. I was jealous and envied how they could all function normally without having to get high and go on with their "normal" lives. This really was the darkest moment in my life.

Then one day I decided enough was enough, and I decided to go and get help. I came clean with my family and some of my closet friends with everything. I cried, felt awful, was disappointed, and was totally embarrassed in myself for getting to this point. At the same time, there was a part inside of me that felt relief and encouragement. I knew that deep down, I was a good person and that this  monster I had created was a direct result of the pills. I knew it was time to change and better myself for not only me, but for my family and friends as well. The biggest thing I feared beside the withdrawals was going to rehab. After a long discussion with my family, we decided we would give a outpatient program a try. It was a long and dragged out process to get accepted into one (if you are looking into getting help, do your research and get started early, as programs such as these are expensive and take awhile to get into due to the limited amount of people they can accept).

After getting accepted to an outpatient program and meeting both a doctor and consular, I was now ready to begin my journey into getting clean. I decided to go the Suboxone route. I will go into more detail with Suboxone and the program itself in future posts as I know this post is long enough already as it is. I also know some people view Suboxone as simply trading one drug for another, but this stance is something I completely disagree with as I know Suboxone has really helped a lot of people. I believe at the end of the day, it is not the treatment or route you chose that gets you clean, it is yourself and your mentally towards getting clean that will help you reach your goal. In my opinion, the Suboxone or other methods are simply tools to help you get clean and I believe there is nothing wrong with using these tools and asking for help.

Well, I am now approaching 4 months of being clean off of oxycodone and other drugs. I still use the Subxone daily and use tobacco as well (one thing at a time, but this is my next addiction to beat.) I no longer smoke weed, drink, or do any other drugs. I am proud of myself for taking these steps and am encouraged to face my future of being clean. I know I am still really early in recovery but I wanted to start this blog as soon as possible so I can give everyone an idea of each and every step of the recovery process. I will be posting very soon and will create a few posts to get things going. I thank you for taking the time to read my blog and really hope it can help others who are dealing with this difficult matter. As I said earlier, I am new to blogging so I apologize for any inconveniences and am hoping to figure out a way to get others to comment on my blog so we can get a good support system going and can hear each others' stories, ideas, suggestions, and experiences.

Again, thank you all for taking the time to read my blog and I hope you enjoyed it as well. If possible, please comment below on my blog with whatever you may wish to write. I am using this post as a convestation starter so feel free to list your own experiences, beliefs, ideas, suggestions, and war stories. If you guys have any ideas for future topics, list them and we'll have something to talk about. Also, feel welcome to comment on the post itself and the way it is written as I am open to any criticism, feedback, and what not. I believe the more involvment we have, the better this site can be. My next blog is going to be about withdrawal, Suboxone, and the process of getting on and using Suboxone. Again, thank you all and I wish the best for all of you with not only your recovery but in life in general.

Take care and see the light, it is there, you just have look for it.
-Seeingthelight